LONDON ALIEN NEWS MOVIE

Maybe instead of declaring death to the aliens we should be writing them a thank-you note for saving us a call to the salamander exterminator. The aliens did us a huge favor by shooting a thirteen-mile-wide laser beam in Rio de Janeiro that branched out into several billion rhizomatic tentacles that instantaneously reduced every salamander on Earth to a wisp of smoke.

Salamanders are a massive pest to anyone who owns a home in rural America- real Americans, that is, with two middle names, who attended private school in San Diego. ( Furrows brow to pantomime the fictitious notion of empathy.) “Oh, the poor salamanders, we must protect them at all costs and send our sons off to die in the Great Salamander War.” ( Scowls as an old-money scion would upon being told that his country club will be forced to integrate.) Salamanders are slimy, repulsive amphibians. The Democrats would also have you believe that they have always cared so, so deeply about salamanders.

LONDON ALIEN NEWS MOVIE

( Smirks like a preppie in a nineteen-eighties movie as he humiliates the working-class protagonist before yelling at his unexpectedly kindhearted blond girlfriend to get in his red convertible.) The Democrats would have you believe that this was a warning shot, a demonstration of the aliens’ awesome might. These beautiful beams of blinding white light have been used for nothing other than the worldwide vaporization of salamanders. Yet, in the alarmist mainstream media, all you see is laser-beam panic. ( Chortles uncontrollably for longer than any person would when telling a joke that he’s already rehearsed three times.) So why does the warmongering left insist we get drawn into a bloody fight with extraterrestrial aliens who are simply creating impenetrable domes around our economically and morally bankrupt cities-domes that many people, incidentally, believe would help with climate change, assuming it actually existed?Įveryone agrees the aliens possess advanced laser-beam technology, but rational people understand that it’s not anything to worry about. You know it, I know it, and Joe Biden knows it-assuming his advisers thought it was worth interrupting his afternoon nap. In fact, until seven hours ago, when a fleet of thirty-two thousand spacecraft repelled every nation’s defense system and simultaneously landed in two hundred and fifty-six equidistant locations around the globe, an extraterrestrial alien had never even set foot on Earth, let alone dug up an old photo that the woke police now deem racist, showing you in costume for an “Antebellum South” party you attended way back in the late twenty-tens.

The extraterrestrials have no interest in formal education, having already absorbed all our data through processes we don’t yet understand they fuel their spaceships not with oil but with animal organs and, as intrepid visitors from another solar system, they reject our country’s prevailing “victim” mentality. ( Squints in constipated bafflement.) Has an extraterrestrial alien ever gotten into college over your more qualified child? Are extraterrestrial aliens gouging you at the gas pump? Has an extraterrestrial alien tried to sue you for sexual harassment over a polite invitation to enjoy a few glasses of champagne while viewing your private bow-tie collection? I guess extraterrestrials are anthropomorphically cute so long as they fill the coffers of liberal billionaire filmmaker Steven Spielberg and his shadowy cabal of global financiers.īefore you cower in your bunker, ask yourself a few questions. The radical left’s panties are in a twist over the hordes of extraterrestrial aliens who-based on little more than wild speculation from quack scientists and so-called Pentagon videos-they claim will kill us all in their ravenous hunt throughout the galaxy for energy sources.

London alien news